May 17, 2010

33 Weeks-Worrying and Annoyance

I feel like my two main hobbies these days are worrying and being annoyed. Doesn't that sound sweet? I don't know what has happened, but over the last few weeks, I have become so grumpy! Don't get me wrong, I am really really excited about Parker getting here. I can't wait to meet him. I'm also ready to be done being pregnant. However, I think I'm just in a sort of rut-it's pretty hot, I'm uncomfortable, and I'm also pretty useless. Aside from shopping and cleaning the house, there isn't much I can get accomplished on my own. So-I have lots of time to think and fret.

I'll start with worrying. Of course, I'm worried about my c-section going smoothly, Parker taking to nursing, how Lily is going to handle everything, will Shane remember to feed the dog, etc. Realistically, I know that things WILL go smoothly if I stay calm and try to relax. Easier said than done. I have a really controlling, Type A personality when it comes to alot of things. Basically, FAR less important, I'm worrying about how messy my house will get while I am out of commission. I'm worrying about people coming over when I don't want them to. Stuff that really isn't that important. At the same time, I need to learn to speak up more. I'll be saying NO and delegating chores, which is something I NEVER EVER EVER do.

I'm also worrying because I feel like I have SO much to do in the next six weeks, and that I can't make any progress. Parker's room is still a mess, with a half made crib. The other night, I woke up in a panic because I haven't gotten him curtains yet. Do you see where I am going with this? My OCD is in FULL swing, and it's already pretty bad most of the time. I vacuume our house EVERY day. And I probably could do it twice a day. Deep breaths, deep breaths. When I tell Shane this stuff, and I see him smile, I try to understand how ridiculous I sound, but it's still hard. I know we will get things done...but I just like being super, super prepared.

Being annoyed? Why yes. People I used to be able to tolerate drive me absolutely crazy. I'm sure they are acting the same way they always do, but for some reason, I just can't even stand being around them or talking to them. I've found myself saying things I would NEVER say. I'm actually being quite rude. Poor Shane listens to me vent about people all the time. I don't know why, but I really just have no patience. I hope this annoyance and ugliness goes away!

What a lovely post! :o)

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