Have I created a monster?

So, I've got something on my chest. It's hard to exactly describe how I feel about Parker's behavior and how I can discpline this child. I'm not one of those mother's that never needs a break from her children. I love naptime, and I do occasionally escape sans kiddos to Starbucks or heck, even the grocery store. But I love, love, love my children forever and always. However, one of them has given me a run for my money since birth, and he hasn't let up since. I will first say, I absolutely love this boy to pieces. He is so sweet. He always tells me "he wants me" when he is in trouble, and he tells me he loves Easten. He'll tell us his name is "Car-key Na-haffey" and that he is "fourteen" years old. He follows Lily around like a lost puppy, copying her every move and crying if she goes to a friends house, and he lights up when his Daddy gets home from work. Everything is an adventure to him. He loves to be outdoors. He values the few friends that he has decided are his-"Pa-tom" and "Quinnie" and Tommy and "Yaura." He is amazingly smart-today he told me he was making a masterpiece. He is so boy, and yet, he is so sensitive. He is already a great ball player, and the kid works an Ipad better than me. He is rather shy, but will always call hello! to the mailman and the garbage people. Gotta be on his turf I guess. He loves his Aunt Lacey to the moon and back, and he always asks who I was talking to when I get off the phone. He would live off black beans, fruit, and turkey pepperoni if he had the choice. He is a VERY cool kid.

In all his glory:

But seriously, he is beyond out of control. Hello terrible, no good, very bad twos.

If we look at him the wrong way, tantrum. Can't have the Ipad? Tantrum. Lily has to constantly give into him and let him have his way. We let things slide...because it's easier? Easier now? Or easier in the long run? I think it's the first one. It's easier to say, fine you can keep wearing diapers, even though I know he is ready for underpants. It's easier now to let him eat what he wants and take toys from Lily to avoid a nuclear meltdown. I have tried time outs, I have tried ignoring him, I have tried "spanking" him (not brutal spankings people, pops on his very cushioned cloth diapered butt, and yes, he still has a nuclear meltdown). I'm starting to get embarrassed. There were a few times I was embarrassed in NJ. Parents should never judge other parents...but still, you know they do. We've all done it. And if I was watching a little kid flop through airport security line screaming for a Coke, I probably would wonder what the french is up with that family! (true story! Even the mean New York airport security felt sorry for us...)

This is a hard post to write because I feel like it makes me look like a lazy parent. And in a way, that's what I've become. I let him get away with things I wouldn't even type on here because it's just plain embarrassing. And I am not a "yes" always parent. I have no problem telling Lily no all the time. Is it because I know I won't hear a fit? Then how is that fair to both her and Parker?

Somehow I've got to man up and take control with this strong willed, precious boy. I know he will learn lessons, and it will be of great value to both him and me to not give in to things that he believes he needs. I am the one in control. So, with it being a new year, I am going to start small. Pick my battles-the important ones. Will myself to stay strong through his screaming, even though I am holding him down in timeout and he is hitting me and punching me. Getting him used to the word no, but in a way where I can explain myself and he can understand me.

No one said this would be easy.